Try and See What You Can Do

Things are starting to become a lot more real, and I'm loving our (not so little) yoga family. After we got Friday night off and the Saturday morning class was unexpectedly cancelled, we all got to enjoy a nice relaxing weekend. Sarah and I spent a lot of time at the beach, which was wonderful. I'd missed the ocean so much. Sarah had never been to the beach before and she was like a little fish out in the waves. It was really fun, and the water was so warm - unlike at home. Now it's time to get back to business. Week two has officially started and as Boss said in class tonight, "vacation's over". The energy in the room has been getting better and better the more people get to know one another. Sometimes all you need is to catch someone's eye or see someone smiling in the mirror and you remember we're all in this together.

I'm already learning so much about the yoga, about teaching, and about life. Last week I was pretty close to the podium during one of the classes Bikram taught, and he paid especially close attention to me. Before that I felt like he couldn't see me in that sea of 443 trainees, so it was kind of nice to get some one on one attention, but pretty terrifying at the same time. He got me to stretch further than I ever have before in the stretching pose near the end of class. "Touch your forehead!" he said, to someone I knew must have been in my vicinity. Sure enough, when I looked up and we made eye contact I knew he was talking to me. So I stretched my body forward and touched my forehead with my thumbs as my fingers grasped my toes for dear life. I just did it, and it seemed so easy. "See what you can do when you know what you're doing!?" was his response.

I think the most predominant thing I've learned here so far is that it doesn't matter what you do, or even how you do it, it's how you try. Trying the right way is the only way to make any progress - in yoga and in life in general.

The Invitation

The other day Rajashree taught our morning class and during final savasana she read us this beautiful poem. I first read this poem about a year ago and have loved it ever since. Hearing her read it here at training was pretty profound.

	The Invitation   by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
	It doesn't interest me what you do for a living I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love for your dreams for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon... I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy mine or your own if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful be realistic to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure yours and mine and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes." It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Fear Cannot Be Here

Here I am, day 3 of training, 3 classes in, and I can already tell the roller coaster is just getting started. It's like when you've strapped yourself in at the start of the ride, and all of the sudden you're not so sure that you can handle what lies ahead. But at that point when things start rolling, you know you have no other choice but to relax and enjoy the ride - no matter what ups and downs you'll face. That's sort of how things are going here. Not to say that I want off the roller coaster. But that's the sort of "uh-oh" moment I face every once and a while.

Our first class last night was really tough. Not knowing what to expect - from the feel (and smell) of the carpet under your feet to the look of the massive ballroom chandelier above your head. It's surprisingly loud in there, with these big huge vacuum pipe cannons blowing hot air into the room, and the echo of the microphone with whoever's voice on the other end of it. It's so hot you can actually see the heat waves coming from the massive heater cannons. We've had Bikram teach twice, both evening classes, and Rajashree this morning. It was such a nice change to have her today - she's such a contrast from her husband. She is so loving and seems to be so genuine in her support and adoration for us all. My favourite thing she said in the class, was that "fear cannot be here". Not in the hot room, not in our hearts. Everyone seemed to be so happy following the morning class, especially after the grueling one the night before. One positive thing that did from that class though, Bikram told us we had the best first class of all teacher trainings. Don't know if I fully believe that or not but it was nice to hear.