The Power of Positivity

There has been so much going on here lately that I don't even know where to begin.

This past week marked our halfway point, which I had been looking forward to for a while. When the day actually arrived, though, I couldn't help thinking that this is only the halfway point? You mean we have to do this for another four and a half weeks? Don't get me wrong, I couldn't be happier to be here. There is no where else I'd rather be than here at training, surrounded by 450+ other people who all share the same passion as me. I get to live and breathe the yoga that I've loved for the past 8 years of my life. But there are definitely times where it all gets to be a bit much. This past week, for instance, we were kept up until 4am watching a 3.5 hour Bollywood movie that didn't get started until well after midnight. On top of that, posture clinics are moving faster and the plan seems to be for us to be finished delivering the 26 postures by the end of next week. Then of course we have the 11 yoga classes we manage to fit into our 6 day week.

I started out really enjoying posture clinics, which was probably due to the fact that I'd come here knowing the dialogue for the first 9 postures - up to Triangle. It didn't take us very long to get through those 9 postures, which was stressful enough to get up and deliver in front of the approximately 50 people in the room. In my last posture clinic we got to use the microphone, which feels weird enough on it's own, and is only amplified by the fact that it's the most unnatural environment ever - reciting the dialogue that you've managed to memorize as close as verbatim as possible, with 3 people demonstrating the posture in front of you and about 45 others watching your every move.

Bikram had been away for a couple weeks, but earlier this week he came back and taught most of our evening classes. One night it was so hot in there that he actually asked for the heat to be turned down. Definitely never thought I'd hear those words out of his mouth here. I've heard from other people who have gone through this whole teacher training experience that the yoga is the easiest thing you do here. I'm not sure I can fully agree... There are some days in there where I feel like I could die. Of course there are others where I feel on top of the world and stronger than I've ever felt before. I guess it's all about balance.

We've been talking lots lately about uncovering layers of yourself that may have been suppressed over the years, and how when you're doing this much yoga that process is accelerated. This past week alone I've definitely had some self realizations and life epiphanies. I've also been feeling like I'm more in tune with the bigger picture - the universe, if you will - than ever. The law of attraction has definitely been at work here, especially the past few days. There have been so many instances where I'll put a thought out there, and at exactly the right moment it's presented to me, reminding me once again of the power of positive thinking. Your outlook on life, on your practice, on anything, really does make a difference. A quote that my good friend Sarah S shared with me today speaks to that, in a sense: "Your outlook on life is a direct reflection of how much you like yourself". It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to feel good about yourself in order for your outlook on life to improve - changing your outlook on life can change how you feel about yourself.

So Much To Be Thankful For

Week 4 has arrived. We're nearing the halfway point, which I had excitedly thought would be Wednesday of this week until I realized halfway won't officially be until the Wednesday of week 5. Still, it's close. Time seems to fly by and stand still all at the same time here. It's pretty crazy to think that only a month ago I was getting ready to embark on the adventure of a lifetime, and now here I am. Where did those weeks go? But at the same time, when you're holding triangle for what seems like a year, time doesn't seem to be moving very fast at all. Last week, which was rough for a lot of people as posture clinics and anatomy started and we're all starting to get a bit overwhelmed and stressed out, one of the visiting teachers reminded us of just how it felt as we were getting ready to come here. We all left our friends and families, took time off work, and saved money to be here. It brought tears to my eyes to think of how excited I was to be coming to training, knowing that I'm here now and it's all happening. I try to remind myself of that now whenever things get tough.

With today being Thanksgiving back at home, I can't help but think about all that I'm thankful for. It all boils down to the people in my life. I feel so much love and support from everyone - from all the amazing people I've met here to everyone at home that has been thinking of me and sending me encouragement. I'm thankful for my parents, because I definitely wouldn't be here without them. I'm also so thankful for Cheryl, who prepared me mentally to be here. I see so many people struggling, and I'm so grateful I had someone to push me to learn the dialogue before I got here. And last but definitely not least, I'm thankful for my roommate, Sarah. I hear people complaining about their roommates, or hear horror stories about roommate drama, but I couldn't be happier with mine. Everyone here has been so supportive and we all look out for one another. That was made especially clear this past weekend when I got a flat tire pulling into the laundromat. There were a group of people from training there, and I guess they saw what happened because two wonderful yogis, Brian and Chelsea, came to my rescue and changed my tire for me. I realized that we really are like a big family here... there's always someone looking out for you, everywhere you turn. I'm thankful for the all the people in my life, the ones that have come and gone, and the ones that I've yet to meet but whom I know will touch my life in the future.

This weekend was full of activities and I had a lot of fun. On Saturday I went to the cute little town Hermosa Beach with Steph, my new Australian friend, where we each treated ourselves to a mani-pedi. It was so nice to do something relaxing after three strenuous weeks of training. Later that night I went out for Paige's birthday dinner with a group of trainees and her sister Chenoa who is visiting. I've known Paige and Chenoa since I was in elementary school, and it's pretty cool how it all worked out that we're in the same place at the same time here at training. We all had a great time at Benihana, a Japanese restaurant where they cook your food right in front of you at the table. Sunday I went on a Hollywood tour with Sarah and Jackie from training, and we finally got to see the city. It was great - we went to Venice Beach and Santa Monica, Grauman's Chinese Theater where all the celebrities hand prints are, saw the Hollywood sign, went all through Beverly Hills and saw celebrities houses, the Playboy Mansion and even the Fresh Prince of Bel Air house! Not long after we returned to the hotel we had a Canadian Thanksgiving feast that the hotel cooked for us. It wasn't quite the same as being at home, but it was nice to sit down and have a nice turkey dinner with my new yoga family.

Try and See What You Can Do

Things are starting to become a lot more real, and I'm loving our (not so little) yoga family. After we got Friday night off and the Saturday morning class was unexpectedly cancelled, we all got to enjoy a nice relaxing weekend. Sarah and I spent a lot of time at the beach, which was wonderful. I'd missed the ocean so much. Sarah had never been to the beach before and she was like a little fish out in the waves. It was really fun, and the water was so warm - unlike at home. Now it's time to get back to business. Week two has officially started and as Boss said in class tonight, "vacation's over". The energy in the room has been getting better and better the more people get to know one another. Sometimes all you need is to catch someone's eye or see someone smiling in the mirror and you remember we're all in this together.

I'm already learning so much about the yoga, about teaching, and about life. Last week I was pretty close to the podium during one of the classes Bikram taught, and he paid especially close attention to me. Before that I felt like he couldn't see me in that sea of 443 trainees, so it was kind of nice to get some one on one attention, but pretty terrifying at the same time. He got me to stretch further than I ever have before in the stretching pose near the end of class. "Touch your forehead!" he said, to someone I knew must have been in my vicinity. Sure enough, when I looked up and we made eye contact I knew he was talking to me. So I stretched my body forward and touched my forehead with my thumbs as my fingers grasped my toes for dear life. I just did it, and it seemed so easy. "See what you can do when you know what you're doing!?" was his response.

I think the most predominant thing I've learned here so far is that it doesn't matter what you do, or even how you do it, it's how you try. Trying the right way is the only way to make any progress - in yoga and in life in general.

The Invitation

The other day Rajashree taught our morning class and during final savasana she read us this beautiful poem. I first read this poem about a year ago and have loved it ever since. Hearing her read it here at training was pretty profound.

	The Invitation   by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
	It doesn't interest me what you do for a living I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love for your dreams for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon... I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy mine or your own if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful be realistic to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure yours and mine and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes." It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Fear Cannot Be Here

Here I am, day 3 of training, 3 classes in, and I can already tell the roller coaster is just getting started. It's like when you've strapped yourself in at the start of the ride, and all of the sudden you're not so sure that you can handle what lies ahead. But at that point when things start rolling, you know you have no other choice but to relax and enjoy the ride - no matter what ups and downs you'll face. That's sort of how things are going here. Not to say that I want off the roller coaster. But that's the sort of "uh-oh" moment I face every once and a while.

Our first class last night was really tough. Not knowing what to expect - from the feel (and smell) of the carpet under your feet to the look of the massive ballroom chandelier above your head. It's surprisingly loud in there, with these big huge vacuum pipe cannons blowing hot air into the room, and the echo of the microphone with whoever's voice on the other end of it. It's so hot you can actually see the heat waves coming from the massive heater cannons. We've had Bikram teach twice, both evening classes, and Rajashree this morning. It was such a nice change to have her today - she's such a contrast from her husband. She is so loving and seems to be so genuine in her support and adoration for us all. My favourite thing she said in the class, was that "fear cannot be here". Not in the hot room, not in our hearts. Everyone seemed to be so happy following the morning class, especially after the grueling one the night before. One positive thing that did from that class though, Bikram told us we had the best first class of all teacher trainings. Don't know if I fully believe that or not but it was nice to hear.

One week today I leave for the adventure of a lifetime. Next Thursday Sarah and I, my roommate for Teacher Training, will be setting off on a 25 hour drive from Calgary to LA where we’ll be fully immersed in this yoga and all that it stands for. The good, the bad, and everything in between. That includes the grammatically incorrect, broken English dialogue that we’re required to memorize word for word, its rather eccentric and controversial founder, Bikram Choudhury (whom I am so excited to finally meet), and the twice-a-day yoga classes we’ll be attending Monday to Friday when we’re not in lectures and posture clinics with one additional class on Saturday morning. We’ll be living in the hotel where it all takes place, with not much more than a few small appliances, my beloved Berkey water filter, and my brand new 40 and 64 ounce hydro flasks. It will be nice to have my car there to be able to do weekly grocery runs and trips to the beach, or wherever else we feel like exploring during the day and a half we have off.

As much as I sound like I know what I’m getting myself into, I’m fully aware that I do not (and cannot) fully comprehend what Teacher Training will be like until I arrive and surrender myself fully to the experience ahead of me. My plan is to follow the advice I keep hearing from all corners of the Bikram Yoga community and just “trust the process”.  I have been told by Cheryl, the studio owner here at Bikram Yoga Northwest in Calgary that I’m more than prepared mentally and physically, but I still have my doubts. She has been amazing over the past few months, helping us learn the dialogue, providing us with advice, and answering all of our questions. I can’t imagine preparing myself for this without her – or Sarah and Ian, my fellow teacher training buddies.

Last night things got real.

For the first time ever, I had the chance to walk the class through half moon pose – all four parts. Being up there was a bit surreal but it gave me a taste of what teaching will be like, which was exactly what Cheryl had in mind. I almost got a little choked up telling the class that from the side they should look like a “Japanese Ham Sandwich” (perhaps one of the most famous "bikramism" out there – what on earth is a Japanese Ham Sandwich anyway?) because I knew in that moment that I am right where I need to be. After an unexpected round of applause from the twenty some odd people in the class, I walked back to my mat and was filled with so much excitement – about training, about teaching my first class, and about everything that the universe has in store for me.